The Unrequited Love!

There are so many words I cannot say,
when I look into your eyes.
I want to be able to tell you one day,
but I'm left speechless every time that I try.
You must have stumbled across the key,
and discovered so much more.
You found a hidden place in me,
you found my heart and opened the door.
And I cried in pain
of losing my dear friend.
Will it ever be the same again?
If it passes will it be the end?
I realized it was worth so much,
as I lie in bed that night.
So I allowed my soul to be touched,
without even putting up a fight.
Are my eyes deceiving me,
when I see you standing there?
Are you playing games,
just to prove I care?
You speak my name in a prelude,
in a reference to love,
with such loving attitude,
as if it were a message from above.
With the palms of your hands
pressed firmly against mine,
a white doves lands,
and the sun begins to shine.
Someday I will see,
though that day has not come yet.
You'll say you love me,
but will you ever forget?
If that happens and my spirit dies,
if my emotions drop,
will you want to hold me when I cry?
Or will the love just suddenly stop?
We can't expect to fall in love and never cry.
You'll stay and play your part,
but after the beauty starts to die,
will your footprints still be on my heart?
Though it would be hard to say goodbye,
your friend I'll always be,
as long as we always try,
to keep the friendship between you and me.
The letter I will not send
will casually inquire,
how could you have brought it to an end?
I was your one desire.
After this life is over,
you'll be one person I know I'll miss.
It'll be too late to start over, and so I leave you with this...
I'll hold you for a lifetime,
if you'll just hold my hand.
We could have a wonderful time,
in the days we have not yet planned.

Down the memory Lane!

"down the memory lane"
Heres another visit down the memory palace..hope u njoy it ;)

"why havnt u written anything on.that birthday present u got me"- she asked him.. He laughed..and said..didnt knw wat to write..

1 year later..
"Hey, u remember the first gift u gave me? That novel- a walk to remember..i lost it..its my fav novel..i am going to buy another piece.."

Another 1 yr down d road..
"happy birthday sweety..open.the gift i sent with your sister.."

She opened it...and there it was..a white shiny book...beautiful..she was speechless..happiness was all around her..he rememberd..it was her fav novel..a walk.to remember..

"open.the book..on the secnd page"

were the words she longed to hear..it was written..

She no longer needed to.hear anything..she knew he was hers :) :)

Few more years down the lane..

"I am sorry love. I cant be with you anymore. But that doesnt mean, I dont want to.. I just have many more priorities right now.. and you are not one of them" He said.
Shattering every last piece of hope she had. Destroying her life forever. And ruining her for anyone who comes next in her life.

She knew, she will never love again!

The Never-ending cycle!

Sometimes life gets so hard that it becomes unbearable..
you cant seem to enjoy even the best things that come into your life..
you cant smile..
you cant cry..
You dont have any control over your life..
you seem to destry anything you touch..
and you seem to loose it anytime and all the time..
you cant breathe..
You cant do anything..
All you could think, is a way to get away from everything and everyone..
possibly your life..may be start fresh somewhere remote..
And then you realise even that cant be materialised..

Thats when it happens..
thats when you feel life less..
and then you think..
well you are already lifeless..
wats the worse that can happen now..
and then something even more worse happens..

And the cycle repeats..

A wise investment!

Life is like an investment. You invest in everything you come across..your school, your college, your lover, your friends, your job..
And as you go along..you keep investing a little bit of yourself..some investment, like any financial investment,get you gains and increase your worth, and some lead to losses..
These returns may be high or low..positiv or negativ..

Sometimes it so happens, that you invest a lot of yourself..coz you trust the recipient..but it leads to big losses..you receive a big betrayal..and juz sometimes..it may have lost you everything..

But just like any other business..losses dont stop you from living..and they shouldnt..but you should learn lessons..and make a wiser investment..

And the only way to do that, is to change your ways..if you are a vegetarian..eat chicken..if you are emotional..try hiding those feelings..if you are cautious..try living on the edge..

Coz wat v r..influences our decisions..and hence our investment..

But no matter what you do..dont let your feelings show..keep suppresing them..load them with new feelings..good or bad..juz keep loading..untill the severe losses start to seem small..

And they will....eventually..

XoXo
Nashee!

Desire to fly!

I opened my almirah, looking for an old diary..
nothing on my mind,except that, i was looking for the diary..
the first thing flashing before my eyes, was and old, dull, carton of crayons..
and then...

it all came rushing back..the memories of my childhood..

Soon after, i was sitting on a chair, going through the almirah..
drawing books..colours all out of line :-p
pencils..all kinds...seems like i collected the variety of them..including the "shaka laka boom boom" version :-p
an old letter..from a childhood sweetheart.. :)
and a little airplane..my father gifted me..seeing which i decided to fly...to search for my wings..to reach a height from where everything will be so little  .. :)

and then i looked up...on my wall..where there was a frame..of my award..and i thought..have i reached their yet??

then, i found myself wondering..will i ever reach there??
Two more years, and then i will have responsibilities..of family..of self...
when will i fly???how will i fly??

So less time..and so much to do...
i need to find my wings..i need to fly :) :)

A promise!

"I will come back, I promise. I just need sometime."-he said to me...yesterday...no last month...no..last year...I am not sure...
All i know is, he will come back, and I am waiting for him..And I will wait for him...I can see seasons passing by...from my window....

Sometimes its chilly, and I can see smoky fog accumulating on my window sill...
sometimes it rains, and I can see Rain droplets cleaning my window..Ah...the rain..."Its you nas, it has always been you." his loving words echoed my ears and juz like that rain outside, few droplets came out of my eyes and joined the rain on my window sill..
sometimes its bright outside, so bright that I can hardly open my eyes..it makes me wonder if HE is back...n Happiness has clouded my eye sight...

He is all I have, and he promised..so I have to wait, until eternity.....

Am I crazy?or is this Love??

Co-existence!

Today..i saw the most beautiful thing in the world..

I was driving by this plot..and it was unused..grass grown to ankle length..stray plants here and there..plants growing randomly..wild flowers blooming beautifully..their colours bright and shiny..butterflies sitting on.them..njoying the nectar..

Beautiful view..

Then i saw a cow..grazing there..few random birds flowing here and dere..sitting on cows body..on plants..stray dogs roaming around..

Beautiful view..

Then their were sparrows and pigeons..

But all these were contributing to the beauty of nature..

The most beautiful thing was their coexistence..so.cooperative...so natural..

Cant we learn from this..nature was meant to coexist..

Coexisting as indians...not as communities..

Cant we be like these animals..its a shame..but we need to learn from these beasts..

Somewhere along the development road..we forgot the basics.. :( :(

Thinking out loud!

While I am writing this..I am actually thinking out in writing. The only question on my mind now a days is how do I forget him? Do i leave him? Or do I let the fate decide my fate? Do I give up? Or do I keep clinging to everything? Do i look at things practically or do I juz follow my heart?

Its not like I havent fallen in love before..But it took me 6 yrs to completely..get over my first love..and that love was unrequited. This was a full fledged relationship for last 6 years..how much time will it take for me to get over this?? My whole life?? Will I be ever able to get over him? Or will a part of me always love him? And will that be fair to the next person? May be if he is in the same situation? Will it be fair to me then? Will I deserve it? What will happen to the relationship?

Its not like he is perfect..But he has been by my side through everything. We fought..den we made up..we cried and laughed..all at d same time..

How do I get over him..how do i forget him..how can I ever get over someone..who I loved, and hated..all at the same time..how can I get over someone..who is a part of me..a part of my existence..

How can I ever seperate a part of myself..how can I ever be anything without him...

Is a river anything without water?? Or a body without a heart??

How can I ever be...without him??

How???

How do you forget someone..who has been a part of you for so long..dat you have even forgotten how it started..
How do you forget someone..who has been with you in your ups and downs..
How do you forget someone..who is evrything you ever wanted..
How do you forget someone, who was your only hope to have everything..dat u missed..
How do you forget someone..who is not only a part of life..your identity..but your name..
How do you get over yourself..
How do you forget your own name..
How do you forget your own being..

Can you really survive without it???